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Thread: "A" in Chemistry

  1. #1
    Dang. Amateur speakerdave's Avatar
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    "A" in Chemistry

    If you're like me, you can use a laugh on Friday afternoon.

    David

    Hell (a la Boyle's law)
    Written Friday, December 3, 2004 - 10:12 PM CDT (54 views)
    The following is supposedly an actual question given on University of
    Washington chemistry mid-term. The answer by one student was so "profound" that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well.

    Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic
    (absorbs heat)?

    Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas
    cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.

    One student, however, wrote the following:

    First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we
    need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at
    which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul
    gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving.

    As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different
    Religions that exist in the world today. Most of these religions state
    that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since
    there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong
    to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell.

    With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls
    in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of
    the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the
    temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has
    to expand proportionately as souls are added.

    This gives two possibilities:
    1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls
    enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until
    all Hell breaks loose.

    2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in
    Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

    So which is it?

    If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year
    that, "it will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you", and take
    into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number 2 must
    be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen
    over. The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it
    follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore,
    extinct...leaving only Heaven thereby proving the existence of a divine
    being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting "Oh my God."

    THIS STUDENT RECEIVED THE ONLY "A

  2. #2
    Administrator Robh3606's Avatar
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    Thanks I needed that!!

    Rob

  3. #3
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    Thanks. It's a good thing the professor's daughter wasn't named Teresa.
    Out.

  4. #4
    Alex Lancaster
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    I wish I was the student.

  5. #5
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    Exemplary!

  6. #6
    Dang. Amateur speakerdave's Avatar
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    Hello! Nice to hear from you.

  7. #7
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    The pleasure was mine. I'm not a joke pusher but I had to forward your joke to a few folks.

  8. #8
    Administrator Robh3606's Avatar
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    "The pleasure was mine. I'm not a joke pusher but I had to forward your joke to a few folks. "

    Had me laughing!! Nice one!

    Rob

  9. #9
    Dang. Amateur speakerdave's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Giskard
    I'm not a joke pusher but I had to forward your joke to a few folks.
    Yep, me too. It was being passed around at work in print form, so I googled it and put it up here. Knew some of us would enjoy it.

    David

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